Parent Carer Collective: Dr Daniella Boyd

The mum of two behind @montessoriandsensory is teaching fellow autism families how to follow their children’s lead.

When Dr Daniella Boyd’s youngest son, like his brother before him, made his way to an autism diagnosis, the mother of two felt ready for the road ahead. Reflecting on her first time around, with her older son, she shared this message with her social following:

“There’s a lot that I wish I had known to have more realistic expectations during the process. I wish I had known that Black and Latine kids can go undiagnosed because they’re dismissed as having behaviour issues – or that it generally takes three years after a parent reaches out to a provider for a Black kid to get an autism diagnosis.”

Daniella knew not to rush into therapy decisions – and that her family didn’t need to keep seeing a therapist when it didn’t feel right. She was also well versed in telling people to keep their unsolicited opinions to themselves. “Especially those that blamed my parenting for his ‘delays’, a lie that doesn’t need to be spread anymore,” she wrote.

This is the kind of hard-earned wisdom that Daniella – who has a Doctor of Education and an ADHD diagnosis, herself – continues to share with her community.

A former public school teacher and instructional leader, she now offers consultancy, coaching and education for fellow autism families from her platform,All Play is OK. Living in North Georgia with her husband and sons “C” and “A”, now five and three years old, Daniella homeschools both of her boys in the Montessori method.

In the midst of all this, she chatted with us about how she found her confidence as a caregiver and advocate – in both work and play.

What did you find most challenging in the early stages of navigating what autism means for each of your children? And what helped you during this time?

With C, the early stages of an autism diagnosis felt overwhelming because there was so much information and it felt like we were getting pressured to make therapy decisions without fully knowing all of our options.

A lot of what we were being told was very negative and it didn't sit well with us – and we often felt judged for our child’s “delays”.

With A, I was a more confident caregiver who had unlearned and learned so much that the process didn't feel as daunting. I also already knew what therapy options I wanted to pursue as support.

How did you start forming connections with other parents raising autistic kids, and what changed for you once you started forming these connections?

I started forming these connections once I started sharing about our journey on social media. It began with making friends of friends who also had autistic kids, then looking for groups of parents on social media in our county.

Once I started making those connections, I didn’t feel as lonely. It was great to be around people who don’t need an explanation for my child, nor felt like I owed them an explanation.

Nowadays, what do you find most challenging about being a parent carer? And on the flipside, what brings you the most joy?

The biggest challenge is caring for myself and giving myself time to pursue my own professional interests. What brings me the most joy is being both of my kids’ first teacher and getting to witness so much learning and growth first-hand.

Can you tell us about your children’s relationship with each other? What do they tend to do together?

My boys love each other and often hug and kiss each other on the head or cheek. They also like their alone time away from each other and we make sure to teach them how to set their boundaries as such. They love playing with cars together or being in the kitchen with me.

Many parent carers need to step out of their careers to meet their children’s needs. How has your working life changed since becoming a parent – and how do you feel about these changes?

I left my career as an instructional leader and a career path that I thought I was headed towards when my youngest was born. For a year, I did a lot of contract work but now, I own my own company and consult and coach when I can.

At first this was hard for me – giving up something I’d worked towards for so long – but I realised that we can’t have it all. I can’t have the career I thought I would have AND have the capacity to care for my kids as they need it. It means we’re on a strict budget but we are happy and our home is filled with love.

Why did you decide to start creating social media content and sharing some of your experiences – and what impact has this had?

I started creating content because I didn’t see a lot of racialized families sharing about their autism journey and I wanted to connect with others going through a similar experience or to share our learning. It helped me to feel less alone and to find a community of folks experiencing the same things. It has helped my own learning and unlearning. It has led to lifelong friends.

Tell us a bit about your platform, All Play is OK. Why was this something you decided to create – and how are you now supporting families?

I wanted to create a platform that helps parents to learn how to support their child's play and interests and to honour their personhood. I create content about this, offer free webinars, and make myself available for 1:1 consultations as well.

What supports have you put around yourself – or do you hope to put around yourself – as a caregiver?

The biggest support I have is to find a way to support my own sensory needs first so I can help to regulate my children. I have noise cancelling headphones and make sure to get movement in every day. I also need checklists and reminders for my executive functioning and have to plan ahead so I can be mentally prepared for each day. I want to find more alone time during the day, as this is difficult to find without family support.

What do you wish other people knew about life as a parent carer?

I wish that others understood the amount of planning and thought that we put into our decisions. Often when parents follow their child’s lead, others around us don’t know what this means and assume we’re hands-off parents when, in reality, there is so much that goes into this. Trust us to trust our kids.

What advice do you have for parents who are new to caring for an autistic child?

Parent the beautiful and amazing child in front of you by meeting them where they’re at, not where you want them to be right now.

What books/podcasts/TV shows/films/resources have you found relatable, inspiring and/or helpful as a parent carer?

Books: Sincerely your autistic child, we are not broken, Unmasking Autism, Neurotribes, The Whole-brain Child.

Podcasts: Evolve with Dr. Tay; some Affect Autism podcast episodes are great for learning about DIR Floortime, First Name Basis.

Looking to the future, what are your hopes and dreams around how your children are cared for and your role in their care? My big goal is to help my kids learn to self-advocate and to expect equitable care in this world. I want them to be authentically them and learn to be good people in this world. I hope that we continue to have a great relationship and that as they learn to self-advocate, I better learn my own role in their care.

Visit All Play is OK for Daniella’s coaching services and resources. You can also follow her on Instagram and Facebook .

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Want to share your parent-carer story? We’d love to hear it. Get in touch with our team at hello@hibi.health